Guide to Visiting a New Baby

Since welcoming N to the world, we’ve had visitors. Not tons, but a few. I feel the need for a small public service announcement of sorts. Share this with all your friends and family. Your mom and mom-to-be friends will thank you. So will the daddies!

*Disclaimer: Not everything below personally applies to the visitors we have had. I am obviously incredibly thankful for any and all visitors (especially those who come bearing dinner). We are very blessed to have so many generous and kind people in our lives. Most of them know how to act around a new baby and a tired mom/dad. 

RULES FOR GUIDE TO VISITING A NEW BABY:

• Do not tell us when you plan to arrive, ask us what day and time is best for a visit.

• Do show up at time that was agreed upon. Do not show up late. DEFINITELY do not show up early–it won’t be pretty.

• Do not show up around a meal time unless you are bringing said meal.

• Do bring food. Lots of it. Make it something not incredibly fattening because the momma is trying to squeeze into her old clothes.

• Do tell the mom that she shouldn’t write you a thank you card. Don’t worry, she probably will anyways.

• Scratchy throat? Sniffly nose? Stay away. Far away. If you are immediate family, you may come if you are wearing a mask. I guess.

• WASH YOUR HANDS. Just did? We don’t care. Wash them again. Or just forget about holding the baby.

• Ask permission to hold the baby. Ask permission to touch the baby. Ask permission to burp the baby. Ask permission to feed the baby. We suppose you can look at the baby without getting permission.

• Do expect the mother of the baby to be wearing sweat pants and a sweat shirt. If she isn’t wearing sweats, the proper thing to say is: “WOW! You’re in jeans! I am so impressed!”

• Want to bring a present but unsure what to buy? Diapers. Size 1 or 2. Biggest box you can find. And don’t be stingy, get Pampers. Wipes are good too. Make sure they are unscented, please.

• Do bring something for the sibling(s) as well. Not required, but the parents will think very fondly of you.

• Do tell the mother how great she looks and how it hardly looks like she had a baby and how you wish you looked as good as her after you had a baby and how you’re sooo amazed at how quickly her body bounced back and how she doesn’t even look tired. And to top it off, her house looks amazing. Tell her she is a supermom.

• Oh, and the baby? Cutest one you have ever seen. Duh.

• Do not offer parenting advice unless very specifically asked for it. Even still, tread lightly. Remember the hormones. They are ugly beasts that control us.

• If you still feel the need to offer advice, be prepared for dirty looks and snide remarks. Please don’t take them too personally. Hormones. Beasts. But seriously, shut up and tell us how cute our baby is, okay?

• If you are a family member, offer to vacuum or grocery shop for us.

• Don’t stay long. Please. Unless you’re vacuuming. We love you, but we’re very tired and entertaining is a lot of work.

• Do know that we so appreciate your friendship and thoughtfulness, even if we seem a bit grumpy or forget that pesky thank-you card.

YES, I WANT THIS!

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